things went 180 degrees changed

Two weeks ago, I was one of the nicest tutors in the center. Two weeks later, I’m one of the meanest tutors in center. How could this be? It’s simple. I scolded nearly everyone of my student. I don’t know why. Why did I want to work so hard? I could just pretend that I don’t see the student sits alone at some corner. I’m just too busybody. If I ignored them, my life would be much easier. Though this is my choice of thoughts but this isn’t the way I acted. I tried to keep them by side, try my best to give them guidance. The higher your desire to do better, the more you suffered for trying to achieve that, this is what I’m facing now. I hate to say this but I think I’m a total failure. No one listened to me until I need to let them see the awful side of me. I tried not to throw out my temper, in the end I was forced to. I know all kids don’t like me. Who cares? I was paid to make them better in studies, not to like me. The truth is I can’t persuade myself to ignore the feeling that kids don’t like me. I’m such a failure. Hate myself.

Ah~! I met H today, at the place I worked. H was my colleague when I worked in borders. I was not able to recognize him on the first place, thinking that this person was familiar. Even his name was familiar. Slowly memories came to me. O! That guy worked in borders before. After boss said that H will be joining us starting on Monday, I took the initiative to ask H whether he still works in borders. The moment he saw me, macam la he saw ghost. The reply I got from him, smilingly said “what the..?? There are no place for you to work d?

Me: Hey dude, it seems like you’re the one trailing me ok..? That should be my line to say! However, I only managed to spill the word “What?” (jokingly). Penang is indeed SMALL. No, I should say TINY..!!

Decision…

I’ve changed. Yes I have. Encouraged by lord’s words, I changed the way I dressed, even bought myself a pair of heels. Listen carefully people, it isn’t flat bottom but high heels. Mom said my heels are heavy, will caused me to feel pain at the end of the day I wear the heels. Well, can’t blame me for that. It’s the first time I buy myself heels. Be proud. Have been thinking a lot what should I do to my hair.

Grow it long or cut it short? I thought of leaving it long but it seems troublesome. Cut it short, what hairstyle then? I often changed hairstyle till now I don’t know what style I should try. Several times while my hair grew until this length I cut it. Again I want to cut it before uni reopens and again my roomie going to say I break our promise. Haha. Too bad, I like to go for hair cut. My hair cut season starts with the world cup. Haha.

Going wild..

Not me but my temper. I guess I was really fierce. One of my colleagues told me, “I can’t believe what I saw just now. You look really fierce. You were so nice all this while.” Situation will drive you go crazy. I was trying to be nice as I know if your tutor is fierce, for sure you don’t even want to talk to tutor. Today, I dealt with 7 students at once and I failed myself if you ask me to grade my performance. Sigh.

Then teaching high levels, I seriously think that there’s some problem with me. I got nervous when they started to ask me question. All this while I’m not good in handling the high levels but I continue to try even though they treated me like the lame tutor after all. However, I managed to help a girl. She’s in level M where the questions relate to trigonometry. Just glad that I’m able to offer some help. I know many do not treat me like a tutor at all. Sigh. It’s my fault, with my level of efficiency, even kids think that I’m not worth for their respect. I’m a terrible tutor. (head down)

Ah~! When I have the chance to download hello baby, there are always something to block my way. I’m about the finish download episode 12 but the account got suspended. Why did they suspend the account? No idea. The only thing I know is I haven’t finish download my show. Sob.

my day..

All of sudden, I embarrassed myself. Sort of look down of myself and think that I’m useless. As a tutor, I was not able to solve the questions my pupil asked. It wasn’t easy but it did not seem that tough. Therefore I’m trying hard to find the answer. Hope that I can get the method of solving that question. Today, some friend of mine said did a personality test and told me the results are kind of accurate. I was not in the mood for it but since someone asked me to try it so I gave it a try. Results?

There it goes:

Your view on yourself: You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for: You are not looking merely for a girl/boyfriend - you are looking for your life partner. Perhaps you should be more open-minded about who you spend time with. The person you are looking for might hide their charm under their exterior.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship: You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love: You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education: You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.

The right job for you: You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success: You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of: You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self: You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

Is It true? Perhaps it’s better to leave it for others to determine that. Of course only people who know me well would know the accuracy of the test. For those who are interested, here’s the URL: http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

have fun!

The thoughts of …

Working like mad recently, especially during public holiday, couldn’t relax at all. I did SPO yesterday night. All this while I have been looking at others how to do it and I roughly get it, yesterday I did it. It was no difficult at all, just that you have to notice every steps there is. There is newbie in the store named W. I don’t really like to call his name and thanks to N, she came out with the word Shane, I was like “huh?” Forget about it. HF told me not to bully new guy but she was wrong. She shouldn’t tell me that. She should tell that newbie NOT TO BULLY ME. Cry. All X’s fault. (I accidentally left out X in my colleague list..sigh~) .. my last day at borders, 6^th June 2010 – I wanted to take a picture of my badge cause it’s unique but somehow I am lazy to do it so ignore~ hahaha..

I really like the amazing grace especially it was sang during operas. Then at the inspirational shelf, there is this book entitled ‘What’s so amazing about grace?’ and it makes me think of the song amazing grace. So what’s so amazing about grace actually? *think*