the pain..

It has been many days since I got to use internet connection in hostel. i went to langkawi recently. A good trip. Relaxing. Fun. Full with randomness. And it hinted me with something. Something that I myself haven’t realize before this. Nevermind. Anyway, it’s not important right now. It has passed. Yesterday wasn’t my day after all. I went to lab in the morning and the electric got cut off while I’m typing my program half way. Ok, excusable as the lab session has over and I carried on with my work. Can’t blame anyone for it. Then at night, the whole kg wai and seberang ramai blackout. Reason: don’t know. Who cares. This is the first time I felt merry in kg wai. I didn’t really expect to see so many people in kg wai. Somehow I managed to escape the darkness. Some of us drove out of the ‘black’ kg and go to other place. As for me, I joined my friends at the seaside. Of course there is where I am for an hour or two I think. The feeling sitting by the shore is chilling but it seems dangerous. All of us are sitting on the rocks. While chatting you can feel the uninvited guest which is the rats..!!

I felt extremely down. Many things happened and I felt hopeless. I’m unable to protect myself anymore. When? Since the day I parted with my full-with-randomness aka sampat friends. Don’t ask me why. This question made me realize how weak and stupid I’m. I hate the word why. How come? It’s not necessary for me to state it here as the party that should know already knew. Exclude jo. She’s going to kill me later. Often she said she’s the last fellow to know anything about me. Lord jo, I don’t want to be label as the troublesome one to you. Sounds weird right? That I’m a slave to someone. To her, it’s just a name but there is someone who treats me like slave. Pf saw it through. I’m getting weaker day by day. Wearing a happy-faced mask is tiring. Many told me to not to bother about anything and be myself. I know that is impossible. I’ve lost the secure feeling given by those brats. Miss them very much. Thx for those who keep support me. Though I can’t freely be who I am but I promised not to let anyone bully me anymore. No more soft hearted.

…………