Thursday, June 24, 2010

things went 180 degrees changed

Two weeks ago, I was one of the nicest tutors in the center. Two weeks later, I’m one of the meanest tutors in center. How could this be? It’s simple. I scolded nearly everyone of my student. I don’t know why. Why did I want to work so hard? I could just pretend that I don’t see the student sits alone at some corner. I’m just too busybody. If I ignored them, my life would be much easier. Though this is my choice of thoughts but this isn’t the way I acted. I tried to keep them by side, try my best to give them guidance. The higher your desire to do better, the more you suffered for trying to achieve that, this is what I’m facing now. I hate to say this but I think I’m a total failure. No one listened to me until I need to let them see the awful side of me. I tried not to throw out my temper, in the end I was forced to. I know all kids don’t like me. Who cares? I was paid to make them better in studies, not to like me. The truth is I can’t persuade myself to ignore the feeling that kids don’t like me. I’m such a failure. Hate myself.

Ah~! I met H today, at the place I worked. H was my colleague when I worked in borders. I was not able to recognize him on the first place, thinking that this person was familiar. Even his name was familiar. Slowly memories came to me. O! That guy worked in borders before. After boss said that H will be joining us starting on Monday, I took the initiative to ask H whether he still works in borders. The moment he saw me, macam la he saw ghost. The reply I got from him, smilingly said “what the..?? There are no place for you to work d?

Me: Hey dude, it seems like you’re the one trailing me ok..? That should be my line to say! However, I only managed to spill the word “What?” (jokingly). Penang is indeed SMALL. No, I should say TINY..!!

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